He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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