New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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