You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
