party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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