I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
