before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
