His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
