omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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