Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
