i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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