i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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