Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
