Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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