I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
