this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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