There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
