The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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