Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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