so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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