I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
