mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
