Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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