I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
