Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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