imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
