I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
