Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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