Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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