What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
