then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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