woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
