cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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