im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
