that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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