the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
