I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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