chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
