bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
