Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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