I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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