Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
