"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
