You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
