walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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