There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
