So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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