hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
