Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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