I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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