haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
