y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
