I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's never too late to be topless.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
