So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
