Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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