If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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